


Kabuto's Letter [Part 2]

by IrisClou



Category: Naruto
Genre: Forbidden Love, I GUESS AT LEAST KABUTO SEES IT THAT WAY IM LAUGHINg, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rough Oral Sex, kabuto has a bad time with trying to figure out what a sex life is, not with izumo tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 10:11:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20890418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisClou/pseuds/IrisClou
Summary: Kabuto fucks up a lot.Why'd the one person he had feelings for...be the one person hedidn'twant to have feelings for?Because that one person...didn't deserve the monster he was becoming.God, he hoped he wouldn't fuckthisup.





	1. Change of Heart

> _I feel as though I was deceived_  
I never found love in the city  
I just sat in self-pity and cried in the car  
[Oh, I just had a change of heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMGmIAdQUIc)

One of the main reasons Kabuto found himself unable to form intimate relationships was the idea of the other party... _ not  _ leaving at the end of the night. They would stay. Usually in  _ his  _ bedroom. In  _ his  _ bed. Kabuto highly disliked seeing himself as a possessive person, but it frequently came off that way. He...just didn't like his "stuff getting messed with" as his coworkers put it. 

Call it what you wanted, Kabuto loathed the prospect of another person being in his bedroom while he was asleep. It felt weird. Uncomfortable. 

So, when he had been... _ trying out _ a girl from his squad, who had become...suddenly enamored with him once he made captain, he realized with a quiet disgust, that women were not for him. 

She had been cloying and clingy. 

Kabuto took the usual route. The traditional "date" night. He remembered how his friends (mostly females and those close to the girl) begged and encouraged him to take her out. To give her a chance. 

He had stared blankly at them. Sure, the young woman was...conventionally attractive. She had honey brown hair in a cute bob, and bright green eyes. 

However...her physical appearance did nothing for him. 

"What...should I do?" He asked hesitantly. He wasn't doing this for his health. But, he also was one to give the benefit of the doubt to most people.

And there he had been, smiling weakly as she held his arm at the restaurant, bragging to one of her friends about him. The flattery was nauseating at best, and he quietly tried to downplay most of it. 

They had gotten back to his apartment. She had remarked how clean and tidy it was, clearly impressed. He didn't understand why. 

They sat on the couch and watched some...overly sappy romance movie. 

Kabuto felt his skin crawl as she crept into his lap, cuddling up to him.

The initial feeling was unnerving, but the weight and warmth of another body snuggled into him grew pleasant over time. He subconsciously held her closer as the movie dragged on, eyes drooping. 

Kabuto snapped out of his dozing as he felt lips press to his neck.  _ Shit! _ He hadn't meant to drift off like that. 

He stiffened, eyes widening, body prickling with heat, head heavy with confusion. 

A hand trailed up his shirt, thumb brushing against his nipple as the kisses grew wetter. 

The chuunin blinked, caught between slightly aroused and repulsed. He looked up to the tv screen, realizing the girl's behavior was influenced by what seemed to be a lurid sex scene. 

He swallowed his revulsion. 

"Mm... _ Kabuto… _ " Her voice was breathy. It was clear she was worked up. 

The medical nin still sat frozen on the couch, heart pounding, but at the same time... _ numb. _

Until…

Her hand brushed up against his slacks, rubbing over his crotch briefly before she slipped it under the waistband, groping him. 

Kabuto sat up straight, face bright red, glasses askew. The girl was forced to readjust, almost slipping off the couch.

"Something wrong?" She asked. 

The chuunin just looked away, fixing his glasses, knees tensely pressed together. 

"S-Sorry." He lied. "I...just...wasn't expecting to…" 

"You're so cute, Kabuto...you must really be a virgin, like they said." She giggled, poking a finger into his side. "Are you nervous? We don't have to go all the way if you're shy…" She purred, fingers snaking into his pants again. 

He grabbed her wrist roughly. 

"Stop." His voice was low. "I don't want that." 

The girl blinked, stunned. 

"What do you mean? It'll feel good, I promise." 

Kabuto released her hand, and gripped the couch instead. 

"Let's go to bed." He wanted to get this over with. More than anything, he wanted to tell her to go away. But, he knew if he did, she'd bitch about it to her friends. 

The girl seemed interested again.

Kabuto was about to sorely disappoint her. 

She cuddled right into his arms as he turned out the light, and even though the sensation was... _ desirable  _ he supposed, he didn't...have any sort of  _ emotional _ connection to it. It was like petting a rabbit. It felt soft, but if you didn't like rabbits...it was just. A pleasantly hairy animal. 

Once she figured out that sex, or any variation thereof, wasn't going to happen, she huffed and simply draped herself over him. 

It wasn't like Kabuto didn't  _ try. _ The kissing made him gag, but he did like nibbling down her shoulders, and her skin was soft. He was decently entertained by her breasts, working them with his mouth and fingers, testing theories of which worked better, and what techniques elicited stronger responses. 

But when she went to pull his hand down between her legs, he tugged it back.

Kabuto endured an awkward handjob for about two minutes, which got nowhere. He apologized and said it was because he was tired. It was partially true, but the reality was he hated the fact it was a stranger touching his genitals. It wasn't... _ horrible _ , but he'd happily pay someone off for it to  _ never  _ happen again. He cursed himself for being so polite. 

Why couldn't he be like Genma, that attractive young jonin who spoke his mind and had such an air of command about him? 

Kabuto found himself daydreaming about the man for a bit, not realizing the girl was trying to talk to him. 

He blushed and looked down at her, apologizing again. 

Sleeping was the worst. He just  _ couldn't.  _ She was deadweight on his chest, and his neck hurt like crazy. But he didn't want to disturb her. After about an hour, he couldn't take it, and eased her off so they could "spoon."  _ That  _ lasted about fifteen minutes before she was sound asleep again. Kabuto rolled over and flicked on the oil lamp and curled up to read the book he had begun earlier that week. 

_ The Care and Keeping of Sheep and Goats _

He wanted to get up so he could take some notes and copy some of the diagrams. But he also knew if he did, the girl would wake up...and he'd be back at square one. 

To his ultimate misfortune, halfway through the chapter on lambing, the girl turned over and snuggled up to his back, breathing on his neck. 

Kabuto wanted to scream. The sensation of her arms around him...the slight snoring behind his head...he couldn't take it. 

He substituted himself out of her unwanted embrace, stumbling towards the door in a cold sweat. 

The chuunin spent the rest of the night on the couch with a cup of tea and the book. He finally fell asleep after taking a break to brush out his cats. 

Of course, the girl was upset to find him there the next morning. He made up the excuse that he felt ill and wanted to get some fresh air in case he did get sick. 

He never saw her again. She requested a squad transfer the following week. 

And that's when the rumors of Kabuto being gay began.


	2. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter still genuinely makes me upset
> 
> its the nsfw chapter btw

To his continued confusion, this drew...a different crowd. The realm of homosexual relationships was vastly different than heterosexual. It seemed like everyone had "types."

Kabuto didn't care. He didn't want any of it. 

His friends had other plans, however. 

Two months later, he found himself in the arms of one of the ANBU captains that he treated a few nights before at the hospital. They were at a gay club, a more or less underground establishment. There were rumors on certain nights, the masks came on and the clothes came off as the place devolved into carnal debauchery. Kabuto was very,  _ very  _ relieved that this was not one of those nights. 

However, the music and lights were getting to him, and he politely asked his date if they could leave, go somewhere quieter. The man kindly obliged. 

Kabuto didn't remember too much of the rest of the night. He  _ felt _ more than anything. 

The captain was very attractive. Cool blue eyes and sandy hair, and well built. The chuunin realized the initial blush never truly left his cheeks. For someone with such a serious job, he was gentle, for which Kabuto was extremely grateful. 

Though, this anxiety, these feelings of lightheadedness as calloused hands roamed his body and teeth grazed his neck...his heart never clenched, never felt that mysterious  _ pull _ he'd only heard about. 

Suffice to say, while snuggled close to the captain in bed, Kabuto was reduced to a gasping, moaning mess as he was worked to climax by skillful fingers. 

In this post-climatic haze, the chuunin found himself staring at the jonin's manhood from on his knees at the foot of the bed. 

He swallowed thickly. For once in his life, he realized that he actually wanted to be a part of this. 

Kabuto was by no means experienced, but the vast majority of men will tell you eagerness is preferable to skill. He didn't understand why the man wanted him to keep his glasses on, but he just shrugged, and did his best, trying to think of things he'd seen or read about in books. 

It was... _ fun. _ He loathed saying it like  _ that, _ but it was almost like a game. Just like the woman's breasts, but higher stakes. 

Unfortunately, the game came to an end when the man, frustrated with having been edged for close to fifteen minutes, grabbed Kabuto by the hair and forced himself down the young man's throat. 

The chuunin gagged, stomach heaving, eyes rolling as he tried to make sense of it all, suddenly aware that breathing was, in fact, a  _ necessity _ . He was stunned for a few seconds, but the urge to vomit overwhelmed every other thought, and he tried to pull away, slamming his open hands on the man's knees. 

He was released, and fell back onto his calves, thick saliva spilling out over his lips as his face streamed. He choked and pawed at his slimy mouth, only to feel hot ropes of...what he  _ didn't _ want to think about, coating his glasses, cheeks, and hair. 

Kabuto immediately wanted to throw up and then shower. 

The man, breathless, apologized, but the chuunin was over the experience. He excused himself quietly to the bathroom, running the sink so he wouldn't hear himself crying. It wasn't much, and it lasted only a minute or so. It was simply the shock of what had happened. 

Kabuto calmed down shortly afterwards, making sure his face and hair were washed. He grimaced at having to use someone else's shampoo, and dug around hastily in the cabinet to find a small, generic travel shampoo, and used that instead. He was  _ not  _ about to start associating smells with bad memories. 

He nearly jumped out of his skin when the ANBU captain poked his head in the bathroom door, a worried look on his face.

Kabuto smiled sweetly, drying off his glasses on the hand towel, explaining "he probably deserved it with all that teasing." 

The man seemed alarmed at this, even though the medic was simply trying to awkwardly lighten the mood. 

"That's not how it works." He said, frowning. "I got too rough. That was my fault." 

Something twitched in Kabuto's chest. He felt his eyes well up with tears. He felt the urge to bolt. To get outside, go home, see his cats greet him at the door and to check on his plants. 

He stood like a statue as the captain tentatively stepped in, and carefully pulled him into a hug. 

The chuunin shook like a leaf, hot tears rolling down his eyes. He was terrified. Like an injured deer being picked up by a well meaning, but ignorant hiker. 

"I'm sorry." The man said. "I...really like you. I didn't mean to hurt you." 

Kabuto was  _ really  _ crying now, but he didn't understand. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his mother, to forget all of this.

He had been living on his own since he was twelve, and completely independent for the past five years, but for some reason...now he felt like a child in a stranger's house. 

He felt... _ wrong. _

At no fault of the man, of course, he knew that. 

But the confession fell on deaf ears. He didn't listen to the captain speak softly of how Kabuto had helped him recover mentally as well as physically, and his kindness and attentiveness caused him to fall deeply in love with him. 

The last part he  _ did _ hear. 

_ How the hell is that possible?!  _ He heard his thoughts echo loudly in his head.  _ I've known you for less than a week! Love doesn't work like that! _

Kabuto cried into the man's arms anyway. 

He slept beside him too, though he felt like an empty shell of himself.  _ _ He knew the captain was kind, attractive, intelligent...but…

The chuunin felt trapped. As if he lay beside a tamed lion. It wouldn't  _ kill _ him, but it was still a goddamn  _ lion.  _

Kabuto left early that morning, with a note with a single word. 

_ "Sorry."  _

Even though he didn't understand  _ why  _ he felt sorry. 

The man's calls went unanswered for the next few days. The chuunin felt sick to his stomach with guilt. 


	3. Blood of the Lamb

He walked home in the cold mist of morning, and collapsed on his couch, dry-crying into a cushion as his cats came up to investigate. 

Kabuto knew of one thing that _ would _make him feel better. Once he'd washed his face, fed the cats, watered his plants and thrown his dirty clothes into the hamper, he went to his study. 

He picked his cassette player off the desk and flipped the tape over to side B. 

_ "I'm so mad, I kept talking for like, ten minutes before realizing the tape had ended. Oh well. It's not that important. _

_ I hope all your cats are okay. I think its really cute you named them after moons. I wanna learn how to make cat food like you do for them. We should go fishing! And let's take Iruka with us. He's like... _ really _ good at it. I miss him a lot. I hope he's doing better now. I think Inoichi-sensei is a good...dad to him, I guess. _

_ I wonder.. what your dad was like. _

_ … _

_ I don't want to think about my parents. _

Silence. Kabuto took the cassette player and sat on his bed, closing his eyes and listening to Izumo fidget with his pencil. He must have been drawing as he talked. 

_ I helped Kotetsu deliver a foal last night. It was really hard, and god my arms hurt _ so bad. _ It was worth it though. He was really healthy and strong. And cute. Even though he was a month early. _

Silence. 

_ We had a lot of lambs too, but recently, two of them were dead when they were born. _

_ I did everything I could, but...they probably had been dead for a while. _

_ I don't...understand why. Mom says that some lambs...go right to heaven and eat...the grass...and play...up there. _

Kabuto grit his teeth. He could hear Izumo hold back tears. 

_ ...I know that...I know it means they'll never suffer, but… _

Silence.

_ S-sorry…[hic] I...just wish you were here, maybe you...would know why. Even if it's...some sort of scientific explanation...stuff about them being malformed internally or whatever… _

Silence. There were hushed sobs. 

_ I just...want to hear your voice again. I want you to read those bird books to me like when we were little, and me and Kotetsu would sneak into you and Sister's room to snuggle. _

Kabuto sighed, and set down the tapedeck. That was enough. Before he could rethink it, his hands came together, signing. 

A shadow clone in the form of Izumo appeared before him, dark eyes staring plaintively at him. 

"Come here." The chuunin whispered. 

He hugged the boy tight as he curled into his lap. 

"I'm sorry I can't say these things in person, but your mother is right. Those lambs are going to grow...big and strong up there. They're going to watch over...all the other little lambs, okay?" Kabuto murmured into "Izumo's" ear, stroking his back and rocking him a bit. "What about all the angels? They'll get lonely without a pet." 

The clone did not speak. Kabuto didn't want it to. He knew what he was doing was wrong to begin with, but he couldn't help it. 

He fell asleep holding the fake Izumo close, which of course, poofed the moment he lost consciousness. 


	4. The Call

So, the following spring, when Izumo came back to Konoha…

Kabuto found his bed feeling cold and empty, for once in his life. 

He stared at the phone on the bedside table. 

Tentatively, he reached for the receiver. 

"Gennin barracks, Yondo speaking." 

"Hello, this is Kabuto Yakushi. Could you please...connect me with Izumo Kamizuki?" 

"Certainly. It's after hours, however. Is this an emergency?" 

Kabuto swallowed. Hard. 

"Hello?"

"Yes. This is...an emergency." He lied gently. 

"Alright. I'll let him know immediately." 

"Thank you." 

\--

Kabuto was drifting off when Izumo's voice came out of the speaker. 

It was... _ so  _ much deeper than the chuunin remembered. What the hell had happened while he was away…? What happened to that little boy he once rocked to sleep as a toddler? 

"K-Kabuto? What's...what's wrong? Are you okay?" 

Kabuto closed his eyes. 

"Are you...alone?" He whispered.

He could almost  _ see  _ the blush on the young man's cheeks as the line went silent.

"N-no...Kotetsu's here." He mumbled. 

"Can I speak to you alone?" 

Some shuffling, muffled words, and a loud, annoyed "Yeah, sure, whatever." Was heard. 

"...'kay, I'm alone now." 

"Thank you."

"...everything...okay?" 

Kabuto felt a creeping chill in his chest. Like he was doing something... _ wrong.  _ He forced the feeling down. 

"I'm fine. I just...I miss you, Izumo. I was...wondering if you'd…"

The chuunin fumbled for the right words. 

_ Stay the night? Come over?  _

"Like to visit."

He could hear Izumo's held breath release in a shaky exhale. 

"..Kabuto...it's two am." 

"I'm well aware." 

Silence. 

"I'll be right over." He said softly, then continued after a short pause, "You...aren't hurt, are you?" 

"I have all my pieces-parts, yes." Kabuto laughed quietly. "I promise, I'm not in any trouble. 

"Okay, good. Um...don't move." 

The chuunin couldn't help but chuckle. 

"I can't promise I won't get up for more tea. But...I'll do my best to resist the urge." 

At the sound of Izumo giggling back, Kabuto's heart  _ throbbed. _


	5. Original Sin

[[this must be my dream | 1975]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRFTrZWIvLA)

They talked, snuggled up in bed until dawn threatened their peace with a birdsong ultimatum. 

Izumo had showed up at his door, satchel packed with a chocolate bar, Princess, and a change of clothes. 

Kabuto smiled down at him, eyes drooping from exhaustion. But his heart felt otherwise. Just the sight of the boy made him feel more awake than he had in _ years. _

"I...I brought you this, um...even if you don't...like…" Izumo fished out the candy, and held it up to his friend. 

The chuunin shook his head. "We can share it, later. Can I get you anything?" 

"Milk, please." 

\--

They sat on the couch, petting the curious cats and talking softly. Izumo, clearly flustered every time Kabuto laughed and ruffled his hair, boldly sidled up to him, pouting. 

"What did you _ really _want me here for?" He whispered hotly, fidgeting his feet together. 

Kabuto frowned, head tilting. 

"Your company." He said plainly. 

"At two in the morning?" 

"Yes." 

Izumo skulked. 

"Just..._ talking. _" 

"You have something else in mind?" Kabuto quirked a brow. 

The boy's face lit up scarlet. 

"N-no, I…" Izumo turned his head, eyes cast skyward. "...people don't ask people over this late...just to..._ talk." _

"They don't?" Kabuto grinned. 

Izumo cuffed the young man's shoulder, scowling. 

"Cut it out." 

The chuunin puffed an airy laugh. "Does it make you feel better if I said I was just lonely? What do you _ want _to hear?" 

The boy leered at the wall. 

"I was...worried, I guess." 

"Oh?" 

Izumo's leer lined up with Kabuto's glasses, before the boy sighed and the expression softened. 

"...Can we...cuddle?" 

Kabuto smiled, blinking slowly. 

"Of course." 

\--

It was as if Izumo had grown to fit perfectly against Kabuto's chest. The radio played quietly beside them, and both shinobi felt at peace. 

Well, if the younger could get the stupid blush off his cheeks, that is. 

Kabuto sighed, glasses forgotten on the bedside table, hair pulled out of the tie. Izumo buried his face in the chuunin's neck, his own eyelids drooping as he listened to the slow heartbeat. 

"...Hey...Kabuto?" He mumbled, shifting to throw a leg over his childhood friend's thigh. "If you...like someone...what do you do?" 

The man cracked open one eye. 

"You're asking someone who's never been in a relationship." A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. 

Izumo seemed shocked by this. He propped himself up on his elbow and stared at his friend.

"Wait...what, really?" 

"It's not my strong suit, I'll admit." Kabuto hummed with amusement at the boy's face. 

"However…" The chuunin continued, "I think you should be forward. Mixed signals…" 

His smile faded abruptly at memories of his last two..._ encounters. _

"Are...the worst of your problems." 

Izumo nodded at what he considered sage advice. 

They looked at each other for a moment, before the younger grew embarrassed and settled back down, hiding his face in the crook of Kabuto's neck. "...What if...I'm too shy?" 

He shuddered blissfully as his friend's arms reached up and hugged him close, but with the same tenderness _ Sister _had. The second his hair was touched, fingers threading through to play with it, he grew limp. This was…

Izumo was certain, that five in the morning on an early April day, snuggled deeply into Kabuto's arms, the radio playing and the world asleep around them….

He was certain _ this... _ this was _ heaven. _

It was pure instinct in this hazy nirvana, that caused Izumo to close his eyes and press his soft lips to Kabuto's neck, gently kissing him, before nuzzling the spot. He smiled as his friend's grip tightened briefly. 

Kabuto's nerves were alight with what felt like liquid stardust flickering through his veins at the touch. It spread like electricity from the spot, all the way down to his toes. And..._ other _ places as well, but those were hastily ignored. 

Something still felt..._ wrong. _ Not the person, or place...but the _ time. _ Like he was seeing, hearing, _ feeling _ something before he _ should. _

He knew he was older. Knew that Izumo was still young, even if his body had matured. Knew that he had to be responsible. To carefully consider every word he said. Every touch, every _ thought _had to be reviewed. 

He had to hold himself back. 

Izumo was the most important thing in the universe to him. After feeling so lost, so conflicted over the past year, knowing he was slowly giving up part of his humanity...for what he hoped was the greater good…

After all the experiments, the manipulative games he'd play with others…

He knew that Izumo was something he was desperate to keep innocent. To make his own path in life, not influenced by someone like the man Kabuto knew he was becoming. 

He would wait until Izumo became a chuunin. He would give this precious boy as much time as he needed to truly feel independent.

God had given humans the gift of free will. Kabuto had found ways to take that gift away as he toyed with the deity's work like it was meaningless. He had become his _ own _God. 

But when he looked down, looked at Izumo's content face, felt his fingers curl into his shirt, heard his soft breathing, the sweet smell of hay ever present...he knew the final sense...the taste of his lips would have to be voluntarily given. 

He saw in that boy what God had seen in his creation. Something he loved so much, that forcing that thing to love him back would be meaningless. 

The love would have to be freely given. 

Kabuto closed his eyes. 

_ Yes. This was the right thing to do. _

He would wait. If he had to wait forever, he would wait until they both met in the afterlife. 

All the man wanted was his friend beside him. No matter how things turned out. He would throw away his feelings in an instant if it made the boy smile. Made him feel safe. 

Kabuto's hands shook. The right one begged for warmth in the boy's thick raven locks. He turned his head to the side as a cosmic weight settled on his chest. He was falling. He was fading. He was failing, failing in the fact he had found so much _ success _ in the _ wrong _things. 

But…

Izumo sighed sweetly, and hugged Kabuto tighter in his sleep. 

The man's eyes squeezed shut, and he wept silently. No pain could compare to this. This was a numbness, a sinking, slow agony he felt consuming him. 

The pain of _ knowledge. _

Was this what Adam felt when he bit into the forbidden fruit? Where was the righteous retribution? Was it this guilt, this cold, ugly, choking fear? 

The young man's thoughts were disrupted by a quiet "Kabuto?" 

Izumo had noticed his irregular breathing, the held back sobs, and sharp inhales, no matter how hard he tried to repress them. 

"Don't...be sad." The boy had no idea what was going on in the poor man's mind, but he gave him a weak smile. "Look, take Princess." Izumo pushed the ragged sheep plush into the crook of Kabuto's arm. "She'll…" 

Izumo suddenly grew still, eyes overflowing with tears. 

"Protect...you.." His voice cracked, and in an instant, Kabuto sat upright, his whole body curling defensively around the boy, holding him tight. 

They cried, in mutual confusion, for a good, long time. 

Izumo hiccuped pathetically as he felt trembling lips on his neck. He hugged Kabuto harder, nails digging into his shoulders.

"Everything's going to be...okay." The man whispered hotly, kissing the boy's temple, rubbing his back reassuringly. "I'll make sure...of it." 

"I love you." Izumo's voice was impossibly small, swept up in the tidal wave that was Kabuto's devotion. 

He did not respond. 

They settled after what seemed like years, snuggled under the covers, Princess between them as Izumo curled into Kabuto's comforting embrace. 

"I'm...sorry." The man murmured. "I...didn't realize...how bad I…"

"I needed you, too." Izumo finished for him. "It's okay. It's okay to feel like this." 

It took every last ounce of willpower for Kabuto not to kiss the top of the boy's head. He simply nodded instead. 

"Thank you." 


	6. Icarus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kabuto you need to cool those gay jets you are in over your head buddy

This was purgatory. Limbo. Kabuto had never felt so torn in his life. Holding something that muddled his every thought, every emotion. 

It was so wonderful. It was perfect. It was all he wanted. 

But because of this, he wanted to claw it away. To get away from it, like a roach runs from sunlight. 

However…

At the same time…

Izumo stirred, and yawned, stretching out his legs and quivering, before curling back up like a cat. 

"Kabuto…?" 

The man was convinced. He was by no means religious, but he knew in his arms, lay the one and only wingless angel. 

Izumo lifted his head, dark eyes bleary. 

"Can...I stay here...tomorrow?" A pause, before he snorted, realizing sunbeams were cascading down his bare shoulders. "Today?" 

Kabuto stared at him. Stared at his kind obsidian eyes, his angular jaw. His sloping, wiry shoulders and broadening chest. 

The dawn light illuminated his farm-tanned skin in a holy aura. 

Kabuto knew, in that split second, he was in  _ love.  _ In every way imaginable. 

He, Icarus incarnate, was gazing upon the sun. 

His mind screamed, begged, clawed at his weakened, melting wax of a will to say  _ no.  _

But his head nodded. Just once. 

The angel in his arms smiled, lighting up the room. 

"Well, now I'm too excited to sleep." 

Kabuto couldn't help but laugh. 

"You need your rest. I kept you up all night. Don't worry about sleeping in, alright?" Kabuto reached out with his good hand, carefully pulling away the sideswept hair from Izumo's right eye, thumb stroking his cheek. "I'll be right here. I promise." 

The young man's head tilted into the touch, eyes hooded. 

He wanted to reply, but nothing came. Nothing needed to. 

Izumo settled back down into Kabuto's arms, drifting off in a matter of seconds, despite the morning light. 

This was the one night Kabuto wished had never ended in an empty bed. He had come to realize, with a crystal clarity, that he never wanted to wake up alone, ever again. 

The deafening silence and smothering sound of heavy breathing, and deadweight clinging to his wide eyed form...they were just bad dreams. Dispersed by the moonlight. 

All replaced by an overwhelming sense of peace. Of serenity in the guise of what truly must have been the mists of heaven settling in the once suffocating bedroom. 

Izumo was soft and featherlight in his arms. His breathing a comforting sound, like the wind rustling the curtains on a cool fall night. 

Kabuto relaxed. His mother was right. 

Everything was going to be alright. 

The children were still safe. 

He would gladly  _ die  _ to keep it that way.

Even if he lost himself, he would not lose sight of Izumo. 

He would wait. 

Kabuto would wait.

Wait for their heartbeats to sync up, even if it took a thousand days and a thousand nights. 

And with that, he felt closer to places he had fallen from. Felt closer to the kind touch of his mother and her wise words. 

Kabuto fell asleep holding Izumo close, thinking only thoughts of the life he wished he'd led in better days. Better days would come. 

He would make  _ sure  _ of it.

**Author's Note:**

> raise your hand if you still feel bad for the anbu captain  
because i do


End file.
